Almost 21 months ago i had a cesarean section for failing to progress and becoming ill during labor with my first born son at 37 weeks pregnant. I was sure when it was all over that my body had failed me... The sadness of not getting my natural and vaginal birth haunted me for a year. I cried as I shared the story of my 52 hrs of waiting for real labor after my water broke. Then the day after Magnus' first birthday we found out we were expecting baby #2... And this time I would do things a little different.
We hired an amazing midwife, Jessica Nipp, planned a home water birth, practiced our hypnobirth relaxation a from day 1 and were confident in our vbac choice ;)
This time around we made it to 40 weeks +a few days. This made me even more sure that this time my body and my baby really had it figured out and would not quit on me. I was excited.
Wednesday the 28th I woke up with my toddler at 7 am as usual, we ate breakfast, watched Elmo as requested every morning, and went to the pool. Then I cleaned while Magnus took a nap. First day in a week I chose not to nap when he did ... Silly me :) Joe and I stayed up foolishly late putting in the window AC unit. We got in bed at midnight, 10 minutes later I felt a strange jab and my water broke! As I sat in the bathroom texting my birth support people to warn them they might be getting a call soon, I thought to myself "this is not what I wanted". My water broke first last time... It made me nervous that I was wrong and maybe things wouldn't be different... So I crawled back in bed to sleep while I waited to see what would happen if anything. A few minutes later my surges started. They seemed strong, not what I had expected. A few hrs passed as Joe filled up the birth pool and my sister braided my hair. At about 5 am we decided it was time to have people come over, I felt like things were getting more intense and did not want to be midwife-less during transition and birth. 6,7,8,9 am came... And went... I wondered why it was taking so long if things were already so strong. My back ached! My hips felt like they were going to break, every surge I needed counter pressure on my back. I cried. I began to doubt my hypnobirth plans, I just thought ... "this pain was not what I was told" "this is not what I saw in the videos" I must not be doing this right. I gave up and just decided to use the breathing techniques. After noon I was feeling like baby was moving down, I was pushing. FINALLY I thought. f-r-e-a-k-ing finally. This would be over.
My midwife decided to check me. (This is were all time blurs.)
"6cm, so don't push unless u really feel like u need to".
6?! 6?! I thought... No... Thats not even the worst part, I was told that would be at about 8cm, and I could not handle MORE pain then this.
I think I must have been thinking every swear word in the book. I cried and cried and yelled and stated that I was DONE. This was obviously NOT working and to take me to the hospital NOW.
No one complied... Instead I was escorted to a hot shower by my husband who kept reassuring me that THIS organic birth is what I want, that I could do it. I cried more, I screamed. I hated them all.
Didn't they know I was already breaking In half??? Didn't they know that if it took me this long to just get to 6 it would take many more hrs to finish?? If I ever did??? Didn't they know I was IN AGONY??
I felt like I needed to push... So how could I be at 6?? I was terrified that I was going to hurt myself, or the baby. I began to fight every surge. I had some terrible images in my head of what might happen if I pushed and it wasn't time.
My husband cried too as he finally packed my bag and brought me a dress. My midwife wanted to check me again before we left.
"Wow. 7 cm" she said. " and I can feel the head"
I screamed more, cried. Fell on the floor. Threw up. Went to sit on the toilet. "She's lying, they (meaning my birth team) are lying" I cried out. Convinced they just wanted me to stay home to stick it out, doubting my sudden decision to head to get meds at a hospital.
I just couldn't fight the surges. I pushed during surges against my brains advice... I cried for someone to help me, my bones! My butt! Everything hurt! Who knows how long later, after I sat on the toilet for a while I yelled! Something's coming out!" I was escorted back to my bedroom, and as I leaned on my bed, standing up in my bedroom I pushed and pushed. Still more anger and more crying. Then Jessica asked if I wanted to feel the head.. And I thought "omg it's over, it's about to be over!!!" I felt relief! It burned, as my body stretched, and I remembered "I am meant to stretch not tear, I Am meant to stretch not tear" and at 349pm my 9lb 1oz baby boy with a 14.5" head fell into my midwives hands and onto my bedroom floor, out into the world I had so hated for the last 2 hrs, and not a tear to be seen.
About 2hrs is what it turns out it took to get from 6cm to baby in my arms.
Shock
Relief
Love
Love
And more love is what remained.
My body didn't fail me. My birth team didn't either:)
I am hearing the lyrics to Sara Barielles "Hercules" in my head now.
My husband asked me later if I was glad we never went to the hospital. I said I wasn't sure. It was painful, and pain relief would have been amazing. But as the last 24 hrs have passed and my baby has been alert and awake, 100% organically born- no meds, not shots, no poking and prodding. Yes I am glad. But I am also very, very glad he is my last child. :)
Pictures
I love reading birth stories because they are all so different. You did amazing! Congrats!
ReplyDelete